Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A Weird Interview With My Imaginary People

Here is a silly interview I had with all my characters from The Master. (Yeah, I know. I'm weird.) Anyone reading this without having read my novel will probably find it really boring. But I just posted it for myself. :)
It features...


Emily Smith

John Midroth

Charlie

Erin McSpear

Mr. Carlyle

Catherine Spire

Dr. Falk

James Hedrick

Angelica Doyle


Interview
with Emily Smith, John Midroth, Charlie, Erin McSpear, Mr. Carlyle, Catherine Spire, Dr. Falk, James Hedrick, and Angelica Doyle


Me: Good day, all of you, and thank you so very much for agreeing to participate in this interview! Such a pleasure! Now, let me start with very basic questions. Firstly, what are your names, ages, and occupation? Emily, you go first.

Emily: Oh, thank you, Miss Fiona. I am Emily Smith Midroth, I have just turned one and twenty, and I am the owner of orphanages as well as a humble artist.

John: I am John Andrew Midroth, I am four and twenty, and I manage the orphanages with my wife Emily.

Me: I never knew you had a middle name, John... Interesting … And you, Charlie?

Charlie: I’m Charlie.

Me: Charlie, what?

Charlie: Just Charlie.

Emily: Charlie Midroth now.

Me: How sweet... And you, Erin?

Erin: I’m Erin McSpear Carlyle, I’m one and twenty, and I am a happy housewife.

Theophilus: I’m Mr. Theophilus Carlyle and I’m eight and twenty. I work at Vista Orphanage where I teach Mathematics as well as History.

Catherine: I am Catherine Spire. I am just turned eighteen and I am an English teacher at Vista Orphanage.

Dr. Falk: I am Dr. Henry Falk. I am four and twenty and work as a doctor in Plymouth.

James: I am James Hedrick. The real James Hedrick. (chuckling) I am six and twenty and formerly worked at Wiltborn Manor as the bookkeeper. Now, I am employed at a law firm.
Me: So that’s where you found work…

John: I’m happy for you, James. I hope your employment goes well.
James: Indeed, of course, Master John. Thank you.

Angelica: Very well, now my turn! I am Angelica Doyle. I am two and twenty.
Me: And your employment?

Angelica: (scoffing) Why, of course I have no employment! I’m quite a lady, you know! Unlike others…

***

Me: What are your greatest flaws, whether you have overcome them or not?

Emily: I am very stubborn and prejudice. I draw conclusions about a person upon my first impressions. And I am often wrong, as I have learned by experience. Horrible experience.

James: (chuckling) Indeed. Well, I have a very short temper; I have a very passionate and violent nature. I’m slowly overcoming this. I hope.

Emily: You have improved greatly, John.

Me: Have you any flaws, Charlie? Anything that you do wrong?

Charlie: I run off too often. I disappear and it makes Mum and Daddy worry.

Me: Ah, yes, of course. I remember. And you, Erin?

Erin: I am a bit too weak-hearted and afraid to tell the truth, even when it is vital.

Theophilus: I am much too … quiet… timid.

Erin: Oh, I like you that way, Theophilus…

Catherine: I jump into things rashly, very impulsively.

Dr. Falk: I sometimes believe I know it all. But how wrong I am!

James: I do not speak up when I should. I am too easily swayed by materialism and at times forget what matters – my family and my word.

Me: Why, thank you for sharing, James. Very insightful… And you, Angelica?

Angelica: That’s Miss Doyle to you. I am still quite upset that Emily is the center of attention in this story, 
Miss Fiona. After all, she is so very strong-willed and prejudice and firm… Oh, she is a horrid heroine! Why, oh, why am I neglected?

Me: I am not going to discuss this with you again, Miss Doyle, we may speak of it another time. Simply answer the question: what is your flaw?

Angelica: I have none.

Me: None?

Angelica: I have spent hours and hours trying to find a single flaw in myself, but … in vain! Forgive me for disappointing you.

*** 

Me: What music do you sing or hum when no one else is around?

Emily: Hmm…that waltz they were playing aboard the Lusitania. The one we danced to, John.

John: I don’t often sing, but when I do, I usually sing that American song, “I wish I were in Dixie…”

Angelica: Oh, how revolting! Those Americans have no musical tastes whatsoever.

John: It’s a catching song, and I’ve taken a liking to it. I hum either that or Chopin nocturnes.

Charlie: I like to sing, “What shall we do with the drunken sailor early”-

Emily: Charlie, I told you not to sing such inappropriate jigs!

Charlie: People sing them often in the streets of London.

John: My boy, people sing and say many things they shouldn’t in the streets of London.

Charlie: Sorry…

Emily: Oh, that’s alright, little one. Simply remember that such songs are not fitting for company’s ears. Nor for little boy’s mouths.

Me: And what of you, Erin?

Erin: I truly don’t sing anything except this little tune my first master used to sing. It has no words, but it goes like this: Hmmm-hmmm-hm-hm-hmmmm! Hmmm-

Me: So that’s where you learned it! I’ve always wondered what tune you liked to hum while you worked. Well, your turn, Mr. Carlyle.

Theophilus: I enjoy humming Beethoven’s fifth.

Angelica: So startling!

Catherine: I enjoy humming Amazing Grace.

Dr. Falk: Difficult question … Hmm… I’d say Auld Lang Syne.

James: Well, recently, I’ve been humming that tune from the Egyptian ballet in that opera …

Angelica: Oh, yes! The Egyptian ballet in Samson and Delilah! How absolutely sensual!

James: Yes, I recall it being quite fascinating and-

Angelica: Are you married?

James: Uh …What?

Me: Angelica, do you mind answering the question?

Angelica: Oh, yes of course! I nearly forgot, for this young man was flustering me quite a bit! They are always so flattering you know! I really cannot peel their words of praise off of me!

Me: The question, Angelica?

Angelica: Ah, yes, well, I am forever humming the fantasia from Bizet’s opera. You know, my favorite, Carmen!

Me: Thank you, Angelica, and by the way, Mr. Hedrick is happily married.

James: Yes, indeed!

Angelica: Well, you should not lead me on so terribly, Mr. Hedrick! Oh, what a devil!

James: What am I doing?

John: You exist. Believe me, I spent an entire voyage with this girl, and she’s completely ballistic.

Angelica: I heard that, you ugly scoundrel!

***

Me: Do you have a favorite article of clothing or jewelry? Favorite shoes?

Emily: (giggling) I know it is very silly of me, but I do like that sophisticated visiting outfit, the ivory one Miss Picklesnopp designed! It was so very fun to wear!

John: Oh, yes a remember that. It looks so very nice on you, Emily; you ought to wear it ore often. As for me… I suppose my father’s gold watch is my favorite.

Charles: I like my pajamas!

Me: (laughing) Oh, well, to each his own!

Erin: I cherish my wedding dress most…

Theophilus: My spectacles; can’t do without them, you see…

Catherine: My favorite article of … well, I suppose I choose my engagement ring!

Dr. Falk: (chuckling) As you should. As for me… Well, I don’t quite know… I suppose my doctor’s bag. That counts – no? It is clothing paraphernalia!

James: I treasure my wedding band most; it reminds me to stay committed to honor as well as my family.

Angelica: Well, in spite of my knowing that this is quite scandalous, I cannot help but believe that I cherish my corset most. It truly does bring out my womanly curves from … well, everywhere as you can see! – and gives me a 17 inch waist, you know … (smirking at James) Less is more…

James: (clearing his throat uncomfortably) Could we move on please?

***

Me: Who’s your favorite person, living or dead?

Emily: Oh, I’d say you, John, but I must honor my dear Grandmother in this one… Granny is my favorite person although she is dead because… well, she kept me hoping and striving for tomorrow during the times I thought dawn would never come.

Me: Oh, I wish I’d put her more in the story…

John: Don’t worry, Emily; I’ll forgive you this. I must say that … after you, of course, my father is my favorite person. He always encouraged me to be more than I thought I ever could be…

Me: Who’s your favorite person, Charlie?

Charlie: Can I pick two people?

Me: You may.

Charlie: I choose Mum and Daddy.

Emily: Aw…

Catherine: So sweet…

Erin: Oh, Charlie, how nice of you… Well, as for me, I must say Theophilus is my favorite. And then comes my dearest brother George.

Theophilus: Erin is my favorite of course. Before her… my professor was my favorite person. He helped me overcome my weaknesses in understanding Greek philosophy, my worst subject actually...

Me: Hmm… Never knew you studied philosophy.

Catherine: Dr. Falk is my favorite person, of course … since I love him. After him, comes Emily. Whether she were the main character or not, she’d still be my heroine.

Emily: Oh, Catherine… thank you.

Dr. Falk: Catherine is my very favorite person, and that is that.

James: My wife is dearest to me of all, she is my friend and soul mate, and I cannot ask for a better companion in life.

Me: How sweet, James…

Angelica: Well, I… Oh, I’m having such a difficult time on this one… Oh, I have so any friends and suitors… I cannot choose!

Me: Any, Angelica!

Angelica: Very well, then. You.

Me: Me?

Angelica: Yes, you!

Me: (laughing) Why me?

Angelica: You created me as a beautiful character, did you not? You should be my favorite person.

Me: (sighing) Very well, Angelica. Thank you.

***

Me: Now, next question – What is your greatest wish?

Emily: To help all those who suffer in life.

John: To live happily with my family.

Charlie: Coca-Cola!


John: (laughing) I’ll get you some when we’re finished, but really, Charlie, too much cannot be good for a little boy!

Erin: To have a large happy family!

Theophilus: To teach many children and inspire them to do great things.

Catherine: My greatest wish…? To marry Henry.

Dr. Falk: And mine is to marry Catherine.

Catherine: Oh, Henry…

James: My greatest wish has always been to live an upright life.

Angelica: To be young and happy and have any suitors, which I already have of course… but I wish to pick the wealthiest and handsomest and have it finished with already! This courtship is such a bore, and at times I wish I did not have to marry at all! If only one could remain happily single, skipping blithely from one suitor to the next! Oh, I want them all!

John: (scowling) Yes, we know.

***

Me: What is your proudest achievement?

Emily: Adopting Charlie… my sweet little one.

John: Hmmm… Overcoming the past.

Me: I’m so proud of you for that, John. Now, Charlie? What have you done that you are most proud of?

Charlie: Um… Daddy taught me a hymn on the piano.

Me: Excellent! Congratulations! And you, Erin?

Erin: Leaving Wiltborn. Forgive me, Master Midroth, but … leaving the place and being independent was something very special in my life.

John: Don’t worry about consternation from me, Erin. You were right to have left.

Theophilus: My proudest achievement is probably my overcoming my timidity. I’ve improved very much, I think.

Catherine: Leaving home, I’d say. Why, my leaving to start afresh with Ebony and working on my own was … it was a wonderful challenge, something that strengthened me!

Dr. Falk: I’d have to say I am most proud of my education, my work as a doctor.

James: I cannot help but be proud that I bombarded Master Midroth that evening while he was in the study with Emily. Telling him what I thought of his masquerade truly gave me a relief. I could bear it no more. Sorry to have brought that up, John.

John: I understand completely. You have the right to think the way you did.

Me: And you, Angelica?

Angelica: Me? My talent for singing, of course. My singing master tells me I am his best student in all respects. Of course I don’t believe him, because it was all mere flattery!

***

Me: Do you have an obsession? Name it.

Emily: Oh, I don’t know… My orphanages, I guess.

John: I think I might just be slightly obsessed with my art. I can go days without food or sleep just painting.

Charlie: Mum says I’m obsessed with Robin Hood.

Emily: That you are! (laughing)

Erin: An obsession…? Well, I don’t know. I think I’m obsessed with Theophilus actually. I simply adore him!

Theophilus: I adore you as well, dearest, but … obsession? No, I am truly obsessed with philosophy. It is my heart’s passion.

Erin: I never knew that…

Theophilus: But you’re still the love of my life, Erin.

Erin: I better be.

Me: And you, Catherine?

Catherine: Children. Oh, I’m simply obsessed with children!

Dr. Falk: Medicine. Everything in my life seems to reflect health and wellness.

James: I don’t truly think I’m obsessed with anything, but I am a man with a great passion for righteousness.

Angelica: Well, as for me, I was previously obsessed with peacock feathers. I wore them in everything, I swear it! But now… I am just obsessed with choosing which suitor I like best… I’m thinking of lining them all straight like an army of toy soldiers and go picking off which I don’t like until there is only one left. Now, there’s a genius solution!

***

Me: Hmm… Interesting, Angelica. Now, next question – What calms you when sad?

Emily: Um, I usually calm myself by admiring a landscape.

John: Painting. I lose myself and all my worries when painting.

Charlie: When Mum scratches my back. That always puts me to sleep.

Me: How sweet… And you, Erin?

Erin: Humming. Humming my untuned hum.

Theophilus: Standing on my head.

Erin: Really, Theo!

Theophilus: It’s the only thing that works for me!

Catherine: I pace to and fro.

Dr. Falk: I count to twelve.

Me: Why twelve?

Dr. Falk: I’ve never gone further.

Me: Interesting… And you, James?

James: I pray. I pray hard for peace and calm – and then it usually comes.

Angelica: I apply rouge. For some strange reason, it is so calming to watch the color fill my cheeks…

***

Me: I see… Now, how do you think a stranger would describe you?

Emily: They would most likely describe me as an average middle-class woman. There’s nothing extraordinary about me.

John: Only on the surface, my love. As for me – well, it’s no secret I’ve a ghastly face, so why bother? (chuckle)

Erin: They see a very plain maid, I suppose.

Theophilus: That’s not true!

Erin: Perhaps not the maid part, but I am plain, dearest. You just don’t have eyes to see my failings.

Theophilus: Well, when they see me, they see a scrawny book-worm. There.

Catherine: As for me, they see a typical London girl – poor and plain yet spirited.

Dr. Falk: They see a doctor – and I can ask no more.

Me: And you, James?

James: They’ll see a proper gentleman with a pleasant face – I hope.

Angelica: Strangers have told me on frequent occasions that I am quite a Venus - a goddess of love!

John: More like a goddess of war…

Angelica: Pardon me?

***

Me: Alright, last question – What do you plan to do after this interview?

Emily: I plan to see how the children’s’ studies are going.

John: I need frame this recent painting.

Erin: I plan to make a turnip soup – Theo’s favorite.

Theophilus: I’ll look over tomorrow’s lessons and grade a few essays from yesterday. 

Catherine: I promised the children I would take them for a walk.

Dr. Falk: I need to send a telegram to a patient in Plymouth. She forgot the name of the medicine she must 
take, poor old woman.

James: I’m going to buy my wife and children sweetmeats. They made me promise to, you see. They’ve all got quite a sweet tooth.

Angelica: Isn’t that sweet... Speaking of sweet, this darling beau of mine is taking me skating. Is this interview finished? He is waiting just outside for me.


Me: Yes, you have my leave. Goodbye, all of you! And thank you!




Love...
Fiona

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